Thinking

Selling almost everything I own, my car, most of my clothes, my computer, getting rid of my cell phone, and closing out odds and end bank or credit “accounts” and leaving a way of life and transplanting myself into Scotland has been a cathartic experience. Not having a full time job, living on fewer materials both in terms of money and household items has made me think. Thinking is all I have sometimes. I think…

I don’t wake up and worry about work.

I don’t rush off to shower or slam down my breakfast or contemplate my long and sometimes dangerous icy commute to work.

I don’t have the debate about what to wear, who will I impress and is it the “right” look for work/meetings/etc.

I don’t “stay late”.

I don’t feel like my day runs me.

I walk slower.

I rest more.

I think about people and relationships.

I read more.

Then I wonder what my life would be like had I not moved. I’d be under pressure to meet a deadline for some committee, worrying about papers to grade and “stay late” just to get caught up. Worry, fear, worry.

I am grateful to have had this time to take a step back and write those letters, take those pictures, see a different slice of life, and have long conversations; I am glad that I had the opportunity to get out of the rut of working for the weekend and praying Monday never comes.

I wish everyone could do it.

"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility and dignity but for my fool." T. I. Rubin