Catholic Guilt Meets Middle Child: Formula for Worry

So, I don't have a lot of obligations with the summer group coming to Dalkeith House in a few weeks, which means that I will scamper around for several weeks figuring out how to structure my days so that I feel “productive”. Damn that Catholic guilt. Does it ever go away? I am going to try my best get as much reading done for school this fall. The summer reading list should be out soon, and I have already purchased a few of the textbooks. In addition, if the paper work ever ends, I will be supply teaching. I started the process to become a substitute teacher in December with a phone call inquiry. My first letter and application went out on 4 January. Well, after several agencies, 4 different reference letters, LOTS of waiting for people to process the multi-page documents ranging from my qualifications to my medical history, I am STILL waiting for word back. Oh, and I so naively thought that I might be teaching as early as the last week in February… 'Oh No' (said like Phoebe) Ryan, silly Ryan.

Well, in the mean time, I’ve been reading up about Edinburgh University and came across some stats and information about what a great school and reputation it has. This reputation may be why I am continually selling myself short, as so many friends have told me I am doing, about my ability (or, by my judgement, lack of ability) to be successful in such a rigorous program at such a prestigious research university.

Looking over the history and information, I found out that the University of Edinburgh was founded in 1583. I'll be attending a school that is 422 years old! It is ranked as one of the UK’s leading universities and has recently been rated as number 1 for research in Scotland.
From their website:
Scotland’s leading research University
The outstanding quality of research expertise amongst the University’s 2,500 staff is clearly reflected in the 2002 Research Assessment Exercise, where 9 Edinburgh Departments were rated 5* - the highest accolade denoting international excellence in all areas of activity - placing the University 5th in the UK for 5* ratings (after Oxford, Cambridge, Imperial College and University College London). An additional 19 were rated 5.
Edinburgh is also one of the most popular Universities in the UK. Demand is high for courses at the University, reflected in the fact that in 2001 Edinburgh had the 6th highest average A-Level score from successful candidates.
The ‘Times Newspaper Good University Guide 2001-2’ also ranked the University as Number 1 in Scotland for research and 8th in the UK from over 100 universities.

So, yeah, I am getting pretty excited and nervous. Not only does my Catholic Guilt keep me feeling less than accomplished each and every day I am not working as hard as I can, my Middle Of Five Children ‘perfectionistic’ psyche doesn’t allow me to do anything but the best, sacrificing any number of things to get there… hmmmm, yeah, good combo.

Here’s to a “productive” and “perfect” summer. No pressure, no pressure.